Controversial post? Nah… Just some thoughts…

S and I have been married for nearly three years. We have been together for almost 6 official years and friends for a bit longer than that. In our relationship we are happy and we both still feel like newlyweds. We laugh together, we look forward to being together, we play together. We also work really hard at what we have (some of us more than others…j/k babe!).

On a daily basis I am reminded that I am married, and I love that. You know what I don’t love? People asking questions. It’s amazing how social we are as individuals. It’s amazing how nosey we are. Someone gets engaged and we want to know how the other person proposed, how many Karats the ring has, and how soon the wedding is. Someone is single for a long time and we ask them how come they haven’t settled down yet. Someone gets a promotion and we want to know how much money that person is going to make and what the benefits of that promotion is… and then there’s the million dollar question… or as I like to call it the “oh no you didn’t” question.

Almost on a daily basis S and I get asked the following:

“When are you having kids?”

“How many kids are you having?”

“Don’t you want kids?”

If we are not asked this then we are LEFT OUT of things because we DO NOT have kids. More often than the above questions we get the following:

“Oh you just don’t know because you don’t have your own.”

“Wait until you are parents and then we’ll talk.”

“If you had kids you wouldn’t think that way” <~~ this one could be about LETTUCE, WORKOUTS, OR CHOCOLATE… it fits into ANYTHING that parents want to criticize about you.

Now don’t get me wrong… these questions (and statements) don’t always come from the same people… so we don’t go bonkers and lash out… after all… the new innocent “interviewer” doesn’t know we’ve been down THAT path before. What is fascinating about all of this is the similarities that we have as human beings. If someone is pregnant we want to know when they are due, what they are having and the name of the baby. I find myself asking these things the minute I know someone is “baking a bun…” and then I kick myself. If I hate it so much when people do the above mentioned to me… then why do I do it to others???

So… if you are one of those people who ask a million questions (like me…) pause the next time your curiosity comes knocking. Think about WHO you are talking too… think about what that person’s story is… Some questions… and most importantly some statements can be hurtful… and remember that people will share when they want to… not when you ask them… (Oh! and another thing… you can always find out what your curiosity wants to know… remember it’s not the question you ask, it’s the way you ask it. S and I don’t usually mind answering ANYTHING, if we know the intention is a good one)

* Just because someone is not married it doesn’t mean they can’t give great relationship advice.

* Just because someone doesn’t have the director position it doesn’t mean that they are not geniuses at work.

*Just because someone doesn’t have a baby it doesn’t mean that they don’t have the knowledge it would take to raise one.

* Just because someone appears to have book smarts doesn’t mean that they don’t also have street smarts and vice-versa.

So it took a whole lotta words to say this… being on the other side of the questions/statements sometimes sucks… but it has taught me to be compassionate, to be thoughtful, to be loving and to care about what is behind “the wall” that so many of us build to protect ourselves on a daily basis. It has also taught me that sometimes we have to censor, or filter our thoughts… for the benefit of humanity.

So for now S and I are NOT directors, we are NOT millionaires, we are NOT parents… I could go on and on… because there are many things we are NOT… but one thing I can say we ARE is newlyweds.

We will be newlyweds until the day we die (with kids or without, with fancy positions or without, with money or without) because if there is one thing we HAVE for sure is… EACH OTHER.

Have you ever been on either side of what I just mentioned above? Do difficult questions bother you? Or is it more the way the question is asked ?(this is our case).

Until next time…

Your friendly neighborhood SuperWife.

3 comments February 18, 2010

Project 375. 2.12.2010

Nothing like spending the night with those you love most.

I am a lucky girl.

Until next time…
Your friendly neighborhood SuperWife.

Add a comment February 14, 2010

Cant blog tonite…

Because I’m too busy watching finding nemo with my princess!
-SW

1 comment February 1, 2010